EP #136

Summer Content Series: Using Desire as a Tool with Elizabeth Benton

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Hey, it’s Molly from alcohol minimalist. What do you do in this October? I would love to have you join me in my more sober October challenge. What do I mean by more sober October, it simply means that we’re going to add in more alcohol free days than you currently been doing, whether that’s one or two or 31. It’s up to you, you get to set your own goal and that’s why it’s more sober October. You can check it out and learn more at get got sunnyside.co/molly It’s totally free. I’ve got prizes, I’m going to be going live every week to announce the prize winners. And it’s just going to be an awesome event. So I would love to have you join me. You can learn more at get.sunnyside.co/molly and you can get registered today. Welcome to the alcohol minimalist podcast. I’m your host Molly watts. If you want to change your drinking habits and create a peaceful relationship with alcohol, you’re in the right place. This podcast explores the strategies I use to overcome a lifetime of family alcohol abuse, more than 30 years of anxiety and worry about my own drinking, and what felt like an unbreakable daily drinking habit. Becoming an alcohol minimalist means removing excess alcohol from your life. So it doesn’t remove you from life. It means being able to take alcohol or leave it without feeling deprived. It means to live peacefully, being able to enjoy a glass of wine without feeling guilty and without needing to finish the bottle. With Science on our side will shatter your past patterns and eliminate your excuses. Changing your relationship with alcohol is possible. I’m here to help you do it. Let’s start now. Well, hello and welcome or welcome back to the alcohol minimalist podcast. With me your host Molly Watts coming to you from a very sunny, dry, beautiful warm Oregon still, it’s going to be pretty beautiful this weekend in that mid 80s. And I see next week, there are some 102 degree temperatures. But happily, when you’re listening to this, I’ll be getting ready to leave the state. And on my way to the Midwest, not sure it’s going to be any less warm, possibly more humid, definitely more bugs, but gonna go see my whole family. So I’m very excited about that. Hey, we are kicking off my summer content series. I got this idea last year after I visited Central Oregon and saw this summer concert series, this outdoor amphitheater concert series. And I thought what a great idea I could kind of do the same thing for the podcast during the summer, during the month of August. So I decided to create a summer content series. I call it a summer content series because I have invited some of the guests that I’ve had on the podcast over this last year. I’ve asked them if I could share some of my favorite episodes of theirs during this month. Because one of the things I love about being a podcaster is that I really enjoy the medium. I love listening to podcasts, I share a lot of information from other people, other content creators other podcasters because I truly value their work. And it means a lot to me and so many of these people have been instrumental in me making the changes that I’ve made to become an alcohol minimalist. And I don’t think I’m the only voice you should listen to. I don’t want to be the only voice you listen to. You should be hearing from other folks. Because really what I talk about while it’s a meta skill and creating change in your life is possible. There’s other ways to do it. There’s other people that have a take on what I talk about and and share insights that expand what I’m sharing with you. So that’s what we’re going to get into this month is my summer content series. Before we get there this week, we are about to launch making peace with alcohol around here next week on the 18th of August. So Friday August 18 at 10am pacific time I’m doing a free masterclass called How to Stop Worrying and start changing your drinking and I’m going to be sharing more details about making peace with alcohol in there but the the webinar the free seminar the free masterclass is going to be really valuable. I would love for you to join me. All you got to do is go to webinars dot Molly watts.com That’s webinar dot Molly watts.com and sign up. There’s a link in the show notes. Get on the list even if you can’t make it live that way you’ll get the replay and I hope you’ll come join me on the The 18th I hope you are having a great week. No matter where you are, I know you are going to love listening to this week’s content series episode. It is from my mentor, someone that I respect a lot. Elizabeth Benton. I’ve shared a ton of Elizabeth’s work here on the podcast. And in my book, her website, primal potential, her podcast, primal potential, her book chasing cupcakes, all very valuable resources to me. And this episode that she did was on using desire as a tool. And I just thought it was a great, so important message. The thing is, is that we don’t give a lot of credence to our thinking, and we need to, because you have to be intentional. And she talks about that, and intentionally direct your mind. Right. One of the things she says in this podcast, which I just respected so much, she says, easy is earned. I know it sounds like sometimes the things I talked about, like I feel like it’s just easy to do, right? Easy is earned. You do it with repetitive practice with intentionality. And you’ve got to pay such close attention to your your thoughts about how what you’re making a craving or desire mean, we can use a craving, we can use desire as a tool. And I hope you’re gonna love this episode from Elizabeth Benton as much as I do. I hope you’re having a fantastic summer. I’ll see you next week for another summer content series episode. And until then, choose peace. A book recommendation on what we’re going to talk about today is a book called Breaking the Habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I’ve talked about it on the podcast before it’s a great one to revisit. Even if you have read it before or listened to it before. Sometimes it’s a little hard to follow in terms of the physics. But don’t let that deter you. Even if you were to skip those parts altogether and your first or second go through. There’s still a ton of direct plain speak that is actionable, that I believe that the book is extremely worth it. Even though sometimes if I’m just skimming, I skip over the heavier stuff. Breaking the Habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza is a great book along the lines of what we’re going to talk about today. So I’m sure that we’ve all experienced I know I have this sense that desire is working against us. We go to the cookout, we had the Plan to Eat really clean, but somebody made brownies, and then the desire for the brownie, the craving for the brownie, or in my case, you know, you’re driving around with your family and your husband says hey, you want to stop for ice cream. And then there’s that desire for the experience. The desire for the treat for the ice cream. This happens with spending money to a lot of times I’ll tell myself, you don’t need anything more a minimalist, right. But when you have three kids under two, the stuff just accumulates. And I’ll have the conversation with myself like, they don’t need anything else. You don’t need anything else. You don’t need another sweater, you don’t need another whatever. The kids don’t need more clothes. They do. But anyway, that clarity can be really quickly forgotten or abandoned. With desire for something in for those reasons. We think that desire is a problem. cravings are a problem. They’re getting in the way they’re, they’re this barrier between us and where we could go and if we could just eliminate desire, it would be so much easier. But here is the truth. Desire is a tool. It is a really powerful tool. It just so happens that you’re not using it as a tool. You’re using it as a weapon, or it is using you. You’re not being proactive. I think to display this I think most often about my first wedding so I was married before Chris and prior to that wedding, Chris and I just went down to the courthouse and got married but I my first wedding we had like a whole thing. And leading up to the wedding. I wanted to lose weight as many brides do. And I had so much desire around the way I wanted to look and feel on that day that it made Weight Loss Weight easier. Because there was so much desire there. And I’ve experienced that in business too. Yeah, there are a million things that could get in the way or other ways I could spend my time. But when I have had desire for something like a new project, or a new program or specific goal that I was really, really excited about. It made it easier. It’s like momentum it was this. It’s like having the winds at your back, right? And it just makes it that much easier. It’s because desire is a tool if you use it, but if you let it use you, feels more like a weapon. So if we think about it, how do we use desire? How can we use it as a tool? How can we be proactive? understanding just how powerful desire is? How can we have it at our back? How can we use it in our favor, create desire, around the choices and the habits that you want to have. It’s not enough to be like, I want to lose weight. Because running counter to that is, well, I really want cookies. Ah, those cookies, I don’t want to miss out on those cookies. It’s disproportionate, right? We’re creating more desire around the things that run counter to our goals, the behaviors and the decisions and the habits, then we are desire around the things that support our goals. How can you manufacture more desire and more frequently more of a pattern, which comes from repetition, than you’ve had thus far. Create that it is within your power to create it, get excited about where you want to go. I talk all the time about how Tony Robbins says that we are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. And where this becomes a problem. There’s a whole training on this inside the consistency course when this becomes a problem. It’s because we associate more pleasure with the things that run counter to where we want to go. And more pain associated with things like discipline and hard work and consistency. But we get to flip that we are in control of how we perceive these things. Desire can be and needs to be manufactured and generated. Think about how you can build desire, create desire, think about where you want to go see it, feel it. Think about that more than you think about your familiar patterns, and habits. Something I’ve mentioned a few times recently is that a lot of times what is most effective is overlooked because it’s so simple. And it’s so obvious that it seems like it couldn’t possibly work. But it does. And if I had to boil it down, it looks like this. start focusing on what you do want and stop focusing on what you don’t want. Every single time I struggle, I noticed that I am focused more on what I don’t want than I am on what I do want. And as soon as I flip that, and I’m thinking about and I’m putting energy into what I do want more than I’m thinking about and putting energy into what I don’t want, it gets easier. It gets easier, faster. A lot of our thoughts are repetitive and habitual. So this takes effort. This takes intentionality. It’s not just going to happen because you’re like, Oh yeah, I should do that. You have to work at it. You have to intentionally bring those thoughts to the forefront of your mind over and over and over and then yes, it gets easier. Easy is earned. It takes time. It takes intentionality. It takes practice. But when we boil it down, it really is quite simple. Start focusing on what you do want stop focusing on what you don’t want. A just a quick break to talk with you for a minute about Sunnyside. You’ll hear me talk about it on the show often. And it really is my number one recommendation for a mindful drinking app. People use this tool in my groups in my classes and they tell me all the time, how much they really appreciate the fact that Sunnyside is a very positive reinforcement. And what I mean by that is that when you track your drinks and let’s just say you planned for one drink and you ended up having to if you’re honest and you track that second drink, you’re not going to get a message that shames you in any way or reprimands you, you’re actually going to get positive reinforcement for tracking a drink that you didn’t plan on and some ideas of some suggestions for going and grabbing a snack or getting some water Sunnyside is like having a coach in your pocket. And I love that you can try it for a 15 day free trial go to www.sunnyside.co/molly to get started today. I mentioned Dr. Joe Dispenza, his book breaking the habit of being yourself, it’s a great one. And he makes it very clear and compelling that our thoughts have extreme consequences. When we think things like, what’s wrong with me, I just can’t do it. I’m so inconsistent. I can start strong, but I never finish. You don’t recognize in that moment that those thoughts have extreme consequences. They create your reality, they determine the choices that you make, your thoughts have consequences. So let’s begin to be better stewards of them. Let’s decide to be intentional and proactive instead of just settling into the familiar thoughts that you normally have day in and day out. In that book, breaking the habit of being yourself, he talks about how, unless we step in and intervene, we will continue to unconsciously live by a set of memorized thoughts, and memorized patterns and memorized beliefs. I can’t I always I never I’m such an all or nothing person. And that becomes just the rhythm of our life. But you can break in and you can start to change that. When you take control. When you say, Hey, I’m going to intentionally as a practice, start focusing on what I do want, I am going to intentionally as a practice, begin to redirect my thoughts away from what I don’t want. Your thoughts have extreme consequences. They are creating what you do what you experience. We want to begin to mentally rehearse whatever our desired outcome is, in a positive way, pair it with emotion, pair it with enthusiasm, pair it with positive expectation. I like to practice this in how I respond to my kids, because they’re absolutely moments when everybody’s fussing, and I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind. And I’m thinking things that are not what I want to experience. I’m thinking things like, I’m so overwhelmed, I can’t handle this, this is annoying. Those thoughts create my experience. So I mentally rehearse how I want to respond when those things happen. You know, I feel like I can’t teach my kids to be calm if I’m not calm. So I imagine if I’m in the shower, or I’m driving or it’s quiet moment, kids are napping, if I’m laying in bed at night, I mentally rehearse how I want to respond to my kids. I mentally rehearse how I want to respond to my husband. I mentally rehearse how I want to respond when it’s time to work out or it’s time to cook dinner, or I’m at the grocery store, mentally rehearse these things, start focusing on what you do want, stop focusing on what you don’t want. Honestly, that is so basic, and so simple, but it is not easy to implement. However, if you do, it will begin to change everything. And it has the power to change everything because your thoughts precede absolutely everything, your energy, your decisions, your reactions. And they pave the way for how you’ll think in the future. I try to practice this with social situations, I tend to be an introvert, I tend to isolate I tend to withdraw. So I imagine how I want to behave. And I pair it with enthusiasm and positive expectation. And I manufacture this desire for those moments. If I’m driving just the other day, I was driving to meet a friend for lunch. And I literally imagined how I wanted it to go. I imagined how I wanted our social interactions to be how I wanted my food choices to be how I would feel leaving after making really great food choices and feeling proud of myself. I imagine where I want to be with my health and my fitness and how it impacts my family and how it impacts how I feel in my physical body and how it impacts how I feel emotionally begin to focus dramatically more on what you do want and stop focusing on what you don’t want because your thoughts have consequences may create your experiences, they create your responses they create your decisions. And like I said we if we are not intentional about this, the days are just gonna go by and we’re gonna live by these memorized thoughts and he’s memorize behaviors. And life is going to look tomorrow a lot like it looked yesterday. But if you want Want to break in and you want to make a change and you want to show up as a different person, have yourself a different version of yourself. It begins with how you think it all begins with how you think. When you turn off this episode, put reminders around yourself on your fridge, on your mirror, on your phone, in your bedroom, focus on what you do want. Stop focusing on what you don’t want, schedule time in your calendar to intentionally bring your awareness to what you do want to intentionally create desire around where you want to go. And don’t stop, don’t stop, it will get easier. Yes, it’s going to take a ton of intentionality starting out because you’re trying to break automatic patterns, you’re trying to shift, subconscious thoughts. It’s going to take effort, but the effort is going to be worth it. Because the more you do it, and the more you practice, and the more you break in with intentionality, the more that becomes the new pattern, and then it gets easier, easy as earned. Don’t judge the journey based on how it feels when you start. Because easy is earned and it will get easier as long as you stay in the game. mentally rehearse your desired experience and pair it with enthusiasm. Pair it with positive expectation. Pair it with emotion. Create a practice no different than practicing the piano or practicing a different language of focusing on what you do want building desire around what you do want and redirecting your thoughts away from what you don’t want. And I promise you, I promise you this can and it will change your life. Thank you for listening to the alcohol minimalist podcast. This podcast is dedicated to helping you change your drinking habits and to create a peaceful relationship with alcohol. Use something you learned in today’s episode and apply it to your life this week. Transformation is possible you have the power to change your relationship with alcohol now, for more information, please visit me at www dot Molly watts.com