EP #80

What it Takes to Change

alcoholic minimalist podcast

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In this episode of the “Alcohol Minimalist Podcast,” Molly invites listeners to join her in the “More Sober October” challenge, emphasizing the opportunity to transform drinking habits and cultivate a peaceful relationship with alcohol. Molly draws from her personal journey, sharing strategies to overcome family alcohol abuse, alleviate decades of anxiety surrounding drinking, and break free from a daily drinking routine. The episode includes a content share from Elizabeth Benton’s Primal Potential Podcast, exploring the importance of mindset and behavior change in achieving results. Elizabeth emphasizes the need to show up and make intentional choices, debunking myths around difficulty and offering practical insights for lasting transformation. Molly encourages listeners to apply the lessons learned to their lives, asserting the possibility of change in their relationship with alcohol and inviting them to explore additional resources on her website.

Hey, it’s Molly from alcohol minimalist. What do you do in this October? I would love to have you join me in my more sober October challenge. What do I mean by more sober October, it simply means that we’re going to add in more alcohol free days than you currently been doing, whether that’s one or two or 31. It’s up to you, you get to set your own goal and that’s why it’s more sober October. You can check it out and learn more at get got sunnyside.co/molly It’s totally free. I’ve got prizes, I’m going to be going live every week to announce the prize winners. And it’s just going to be an awesome event. So I would love to have you join me. You can learn more at get.sunnyside.co/molly and you can get registered today. Welcome to the alcohol minimalist podcast. I’m your host Molly watts. If you want to change your drinking habits and create a peaceful relationship with alcohol, you’re in the right place. This podcast explores the strategies I use to overcome a lifetime of family alcohol abuse, more than 30 years of anxiety and worry about my own drinking, and what felt like an unbreakable daily drinking habit. Becoming an alcohol minimalist means removing excess alcohol from your life. So it doesn’t remove you from life. It means being able to take alcohol or leave it without feeling deprived. It means to live peacefully, being able to enjoy a glass of wine without feeling guilty and without needing to finish the bottle. With Science on our side will shatter your past patterns and eliminate your excuses. Changing your relationship with alcohol is possible. I’m here to help you do it. Let’s start now. Well hello and welcome or welcome back to the alcohol minimalist podcast with me your host Molly Watts coming to you from a sweltering Oregon right now. Yes, it is very warm here in Oregon. You know, I’m loving it. I don’t know that all Oregonians are but hey, if you’re one of the people that’s complaining, please stop. You’re just stop yourself right now. We all know it’s going to get cooler around here, because that’s the nature of the Pacific Northwest. But right now, it’s warm. And I am absolutely loving it. I actually spent time over in Central Oregon this past week, and oh my goodness, talk about a beautiful spot. If you’ve never been to Central Oregon, I highly encourage you to go especially during the summertime. All right, on to this week’s show. So this is my first in a series of summer content series is what I’m going to call it. I have invited people that I enjoy listening to other people that they’ve all typically been guests of the show at some point in time. And their their content, their podcast don’t necessarily have to do with alcohol, but they often have to do with behavior change or the things that they talk about can certainly be applicable to changing your drinking habits. Some of them are the content that they will share is about alcohol but not everybody. And today’s first content share is from Elizabeth Benton and the primal potential podcast. If you’ve listened to this show at all, or if you’ve read my book, you know that Elizabeth is one of the people that was really instrumental in helping me change my mindset around alcohol, and really just in terms of habit change altogether. And I find her very motivational. And this particular episode was so good, and I couldn’t wait to share it with you. Elizabeth was gracious enough to say yes, go ahead. And so this particular podcast, I think was in the beginning of the year, January, right when people are typically making a lot of changes or you know, we’ve got resolutions we’re trying to stick to. And her advice was when you’re not seeing the changes happen when you’re not really seeing progress. Asking yourself if you’re doing all the work when you want to do it but not doing the work when you need to do it the most. I think this is such a pivotal point and something that you really need to ask yourself, especially if you’re not getting the results that you feel like you want right now. Ask yourself are you doing the work when you want to do it and not when you need to do it the most. I do have a winner a prize winner this week for some alcohol minimalist swag. This actually comes from a review of the book on Goodreads that’s a spot where you can do a review. This is for Sparty Sparty. If you’re listening to this podcast, please email me Molly at Molly watts.com. Let me know who you are, and I will send you out some alcohol minimalist swag. And thank you for your review of the book on Goodreads. All right, now we will get into Elizabeth’s podcast here. I think you’re gonna love it, I think you’re gonna get some real good information from it. And you can visit her at WWW dot primal potential.com. Have a great week, everyone. I’ll see you next time. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the primal potential podcast. I am Elizabeth Benton, I hope you are having a fantastic day so far today. A couple of weeks ago, we talked about one of the reasons that you might not be seeing results from your weight loss efforts. And we were talking about it from the science angle, we were talking about how your body can basically prevent fat loss really slow it down, make it harder, it can lead to a propensity to store fat, all having to do with the microbiome, and your gut integrity. And we talked about things you can do to fix that. Today, we’re going to be talking about one of the reasons that you might not be getting results. That’s more of a practice standpoint. So the first couple episodes of the year, we talked about mindset, then we got into the science. Now we’re going to be talking about your actual implementation. And one of the primary issues that I see that holds people back prevents them from getting results because of the way that they are implementing because of the way that they are practicing. Specifically, the way that they are practicing a lot of the behavior change kinds of things, all right, and what is in the way and what you can do about it. If you feel like you’re doing a lot of the work, but you’re not getting results, or you’re doing the work, but you’re still making excuses, you’re, you’re putting all of these pieces into play. But at the end of the day, you’re still talking yourself out of the choice, you know, you need to make. There’s one thing that I really want to get to the bottom of today. And it’s doing the work but not doing it at the time that it’s needed at the moment of decision. So let’s back up, let’s give a little context first. You guys know that there was a huge period of my life where I let myself off the hook. And it’s something that still I have to work on it with a lot of things, I can easily let myself off the hook with regards to working out or with regards to following through on some work thing that I need to get to need to get done. But there was a period of my life where it was more problem than solution it was more pattern than practicing a new pattern. And I would always say things like this one thing won’t hurt, I’ll start tomorrow, I’m too stressed, who really cares, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, I’ll start on Monday. And I had to start making these be small tweaks and find a way to kind of live in the middle of all or nothing. But what I noticed, especially as I got into mindset work, is that a lot of times, I would do that prep work that mindset work. But I would do it when I didn’t really need it. And I’ll tell you what, this, what this often looks like, Have you ever started a day with really great intentions? This is what I’m going to do. This is what I’m not going to do. Maybe you’re somebody who starts the day with affirmations. I think affirmations are really powerful. But I think that a lot of people aren’t using them when they need them most. Most of your work needs to be done, the most important parts of your work needs to be done at the moment of decision. So when I take 10 minutes to journal in the morning, that’s awesome. But that’s preparatory for the moments of decision when I need to do the work later. Like when I’m deciding am I going to go to the gym right now or I’m gonna stay home? Am I gonna go grab the chocolates out of the pantry? Or am I not? The preparatory work and I consider listening to this podcast part of the preparatory work. It’s great journaling. It’s great, but it’s not the gametime moment of decision decision, place where we need to really be engaged. So if you’ve ever thought, in the beginning of a day, like, I’m going to crush it, it’s going to be a great day. And then by the end of the day, you’re thinking, like, who cares, I’m too tired, it doesn’t matter. It’s very frustrating. And a lot of people reach out to me saying, like, I start the day with super clear intentions, I want it, I know what I need to do, I have all the tools, but I’m not doing it. It’s because you’re not doing that work at the moment of decision, which is when you need it. And that moment of decision, there might be six or seven in a day, there might be two or three in a day. But they’re going to be different for all of us. For me, I’m kind of in cruise control until about like three in the afternoon. That’s when I’m thinking about skipping the workout. That’s when I’m thinking about getting ice cream. That’s what I’m thinking about not finishing the things on my to do list and just roll them over until the next day. That is by game time. So all of the work that I do meditating earlier, or journaling earlier, or listening to a podcast earlier. It’s great. It’s practice, it’s prep. But it’s not gained time. And a lot of folks are only doing the prep, but they’re not showing up again time. There are a lot of people who are thinking that being goal oriented or being optimistic or planning is enough. But it’s not. It’s not Hey, everyone, just a quick break in the show to talk with you about sunny side. Now you’ve heard me talk about sunny side on the show before. I’ve had Nick and Ian the founders here as my guests. I am just so impressed with them. They are deeply mission driven. They are building a service to help millions of people create a healthier relationship with alcohol with no pressure to quit or feel guilty. So you know they are very aligned with everything I talk about here at alcohol minimalist. I wanted to share with you some thoughts and comments made by people in my group and my clients who use Sunnyside. I checked it out and was pleasantly surprised. I have used a few tracking apps and despised them. But the support the daily check ins and the plan. Yes, the plan. I signed up for three months yesterday and actually looked forward to the check in today. I have no doubt this tool is a step forward for me. I just want to thank you to everyone who recommended Sunnyside in this group and all of your advice throughout, I’m having the best start to a week of moderating Since I fell off the wagon in January, you work the plan, and it works. Thank you everyone. Now you don’t have to take my word for it, you don’t have to take their word for it, I want you to check it out for yourself, go to www.sunnyside.co/minimalist to get started on a free trial today. I think back to when I was at my heaviest. And I wanted weight loss more than anything in the world, right? More than anything in the world. I had this, um, this standing desk at one point that was over my treadmill so that I could you know, have my phone and my coffee and whatever. And I would write these these notes to myself like, gosh, I can’t eat, I have pictures of it in my phone. But I can’t remember off the top of my head. But things that were like really empowering affirmative statements. And then sometimes, two hours later, or 30 minutes later, I would act in a way that was totally contrary to what I had just wrote, or I had these affirmation cards. And I would review them in the morning or when I was driving to work. And then sometimes in the evening, I would behave in a way that was totally contrary to it. And for the longest time, I was like what’s wrong with me like I’m spending all this time getting my head in the right place, having clarity on who I want to be and how I want to be and what I want to do and all of these things. And then I go and I make a choice that’s totally not aligned. And it took me a long time to realize that the prep was just prep. It’s kind of like if you prepare all the ingredients for a recipe, but you never cook the meal. That’s what so many of us are doing. And I really want you to think about it like that. The prep is important, it’s necessary. I don’t want you to stop doing it. But if you are somebody who feels like you know, I, I know all the things and I intend to do them and I don’t follow through. You’ve gotten all your ingredients together, but you’re not cooking the meal. You’re not showing up in that moment of decision and using all of those things. The prep part is for a different time when I am sitting in my car and going over my affirmations like I used to do years ago, and now I kind of do it more in my head that is preparing me for when I’m standing in front of the pantry going, do I eat the chocolates that the cleaning ladies brought over? Or do I not? I have to bring my prep to those moments. And I think that’s the missing piece for so many people. I know for me, it’s the missing piece, when I make choices that aren’t aligned with who or how I want to be, I have the tools, I’ve done the prep. But am I not using it in the moment when I need it, we have got to be honest with ourselves about when we really need to do the work. And listening to this podcast is not doing the work. Reading the self help book is not doing the work. Journaling is not doing the work it is equipping you to have what you need, when you really need to do the work. When is that for you? I know for me, my work needs to be done my game time opportunities are different for different areas of my life. In my marriage, my game time when I need to do the work is when I’m upset or when I’m hurt. Or when I’m irritated. All the therapy that we do all the things I read about relationships, everything I believe about communication. It doesn’t get me what I want, if I don’t use it in my marriage, when I’m frustrated, or I’m hurt, or I’m irritated. When it comes to nutrition, I think it’s awesome that I get my my salad and i i get my ginger and turmeric shot at the juice place on my way home from the gym. But what changes my life is when I use all of that information and all of my beliefs and all of my desires. When I’m like who cares? I really just want to have you know a bunch of nachos and a whole bunch bowler queso? Are you using the tools when you need to use them? Or are you not? Your work needs to be done when you most want to avoid it. That is where change comes from. Your work needs to be done when you most want to avoid it when you want to do it the least. So think about all these different areas of your life. For me being sweet and affectionate kind open in my marriage. It doesn’t really move the needle when we’re having a good day. It won’t change my marriage. When I act that way. On a good day, my marriage changes when I do the work when I most want to not do the work. So many people are doing the work when they want to do the work. And they’re not doing the work when they don’t want to do the work and they’re frustrated, they’re not getting results. You change. And you only change. When you do the work when you most want to avoid it. That’s where transformation comes from. That’s where physical transformation comes from. That’s where financial transformation comes from. That’s where emotional transformation comes from. It’s awesome to wake up and have your cabbage salad or your omelet when you feel like it. But change happens when you want the pizza or the pint of ice cream that you didn’t intend to eat and, and you and you don’t have it. Change happens when you’re feeling very reactionary. When you’re saying you don’t care. When you’re in a bad mood. When you’re pissed off. When you’re overtired. And you do the hard work then when it matters most is when you don’t want to do it. Change happens when you don’t want to do it. That’s the gametime opportunity. And a lot of people are doing the work when they feel like doing the work and not doing the work when they don’t feel like doing it and then getting really frustrated. They’re not getting results. sitting down to write when I have a great idea. That’s fine. That’s great. I’m not going to stop doing that. But I transform my habits. I become consistent. When I sit down and I don’t feel like it. Think about it this way. If you practice your jump shot all day every single day but you never take the shot when you’re in the game. The practice doesn’t matter and you need to practice but it counts When you use it, I want you to think about that, whether it’s for your physical health, for your fitness, your nutrition, your marriage, your interactions with your kids. Change happens when you bring your preparation, to the moment where you normally opt out, where you normally tap out where you normally say, I don’t care, it doesn’t matter, I’ll start tomorrow, I’ll do better next week. Change happens when you show up in those times. And you don’t have to nail it every time, that’s probably not going to be the reality for the majority of us. It’s not my reality. But I want to be that 9010 person, I want to be that 8020 person, when that what that means to me is 90% of the time, when I don’t want to eat well, or I don’t want to work out or I don’t want to do the work I said I was going to do I’m going to do it anyway. And 10% of the time, I’m gonna give myself a pass 10% of the time, I’m gonna make a choice that maybe in hindsight, wasn’t the best choice, fine. But be that person. Don’t just set these lofty aspirations of like, these are my goals. And these are the things I want to do realize that game time when it matters most is when you don’t feel like it when you want to give yourself a pass and start chipping away at those moments. Because your change is going to happen, your opportunity for transformation lives in those moments, when you don’t want to do it. And look in the scheme of life. It’s not that hard. We’re not asking you to climb Mount Everest, you know, with your hands tied behind your back in the scheme of life. These are easy wins, they are not that hard, they are not that huge. It is not that hard to say, I’m gonna go to the gym even though I don’t want to. I’m gonna say no to the pizza even though I want to eat it. In the scheme of life. These are not that difficult. I know you know that. So we just have to seize those moments. And we have to start bringing our prep to those moments. And when we do when we do everything changes, everything changes the results that you want, are waiting for you. As soon as you show up to those moments with your preparation and you do the thing that you know you should do when you don’t want to do it. And that that will change everything in your life. Make it a great day. Thank you for listening to the alcohol minimalist podcast. This podcast is dedicated to helping you change your drinking habits and to create a peaceful relationship with alcohol. Use something you learned in today’s episode and apply it to your life this week. Transformation is possible you have the power to change your relationship with alcohol now, for more information, please visit me at www dot Molly watts.com